This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
