He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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