You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
