how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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