Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
