Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
