Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
