'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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