Soap is not a condiment
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
His hands were made for my vagina.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
