shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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