I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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