i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
