we're blogging at a bar
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
