i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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