I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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