I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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