Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
