I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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