You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
