Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
