sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
