I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
