When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
