your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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