we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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