I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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