Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he thought i was a dude.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
