im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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