You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
