Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's shark week go big or go home
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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