You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
