I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
