Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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