I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
