Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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