i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
