I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
