I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
