The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
