so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am one with the molecules
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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