apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am midnight drunk by noon
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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