I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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