He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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