How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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