perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
