literally had 100 drinks last night.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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