I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
