how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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