I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
How external is "for external use only"?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
