Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
