Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
